You won’t be busting open vault doors, or dodging lasers like a gymnast, or walking out the front door with a holdall brimming with 100-dollar bills, your brow slick with sweat as you smile vacantly at Vincent, the complex’s head of security, who is nice but built like a brick shit house.
Grand Theft Auto Online’s Diamond Casino and Resort update is not Ocean’s 11. The question is: will all of this hold your interest long-term? In order to answer that, we must understand what GTA Online’s latest update does and doesn’t offer.
It comes with new property options, such as a penthouse suite that offers a wealth of new customisation options, a Casino Store that flaunts over 400 clothing and decoration items, a library of flashy new cars, and, of course, a whole host of new ways to generate moolah. To this end, the Diamond Casino and Resort has immediate appeal – it’s fresh and new and comes with six new multiplayer missions, doled out by a handful of new and familiar characters. The prominent gambling palace has sat vacant on the peripheral of Southern San An’s Vinewood region for almost six years, and its opening, like any substantial GTA Online update, brings with it a host of new toys and tricks to play with. Because having spent the warmest day of the year so far floundering around a fake-world San Andreas casino, spending all of my imaginary money and, at one point, waking up in a virtual toilet hungover and disoriented, I can attest that Grand Theft Auto Online’s much-anticipated Diamond Casino and Resort is a fitting and welcome addition to its self-obsessed and hedonistic playground. What happens in Los Santos isn’t much different.
I woke up with an empty wallet, almost no recollection of the previous evening, and quickly realised I’d missed my 10am flight home by a full two hours.
I once got blind drunk and passed out in a Las Vegas casino’s toilet.
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